It is way past 1AM, so I guess it is time for one of these.
I’ve been trying to write, but nothing is coming out. Not that I don’t have anything to say ; I’ve been feeling so many things, thinking too many things — it has to go somewhere…
But I feel like lately, most things fall into the dark void that now anxiously floats where my brain once was and they just —
Drinking coffee now is more of a desperate act from a foggy mind, rather than a clear decision made by me to fuel my productivity.
I drink it, but it doesn’t take me anywhere: I’m still here — trapped in the perfect butt shaped mould that my couch has recently become.
The coffee goes down my throat and my body grows warm; for a second I feel my brain start bubbling, but it stops almost instantly. I sigh. Everything is still slow and foggy around me; coffee hasn’t fixed reality.
On some days I know that I will definitely not be able to do anything. Because I hear my body’s moans as I get out of bed and attempt to stretch or/and because I feel the rain hitting my heart really hard and I feel shivers under my skin.
And that’s okay.
But I still agree to Billy making me some coffee. Not because I need it; I can definitely go days without coffee if I decide to, that is not an issue. I think that I drink it because it still gives me that thrill and tricks my brain into feeling productive even though I am not.
That being said, as much as I haven’t been able to work as hard as I had planned/wished lately, I still have been doing things. Even on days where I cannot gather the mental or physical power to open the laptop and continue my online course or stand up and seriously work on my voice, I still do little things. (Usually either when Billy & I are watching the telly or when we’re playing video games, and I’m waiting for my go.)
These past couple of days, I’ve been trying out painting with coffee and it’s been really fun ! Since I never really finish my cups, I decided it would be a nice little ritual for me to do some quick paintings after I am done drinking what I could instead of letting it go to waste.
So far I have painted two postcards: one with a tall tree and the other with mushrooms. I also made another one earlier involving a flower and a butterfly that I have yet to finish. There is as well another coffee tree that popped up in my sacred watercolour Moleskine sketchbook. I will probably finish that one tomorrow once the first layer is fully dry.
I have also started a new project of up-cycling an old book into an art journal after having watched plenty of YouTube videos on the subject. I was in desperate need for a no-pressure creative activity to keep me busy when I cannot be working on my other — serious — creative projects.
I have begun working on some pages already and of course, there are already countless of pages covered in coffee, including another mushroom painting. Try and stop me.
The coffee fits really well in there because it makes the book look even older, and I think it will be a cool base as well for drawing on. This is really exciting, and I can’t wait to be able to share some parts of this new journal with you!
So, as a summary, now there’s coffee everywhere: in my mouth, on the table, in my watercolour sketchbook, on postcards that I will not be sending any time soon, on my hands and on this new art journal project.
And I’m not gonna lie, it actually does make reality better! I mean, there I was thinking I could never write on my blog again but I thought about coffee once, then it got all over this page and I now have something to post!
Everything smells like coffee and it is comforting & inspiring and I will probably never stop dipping my paint brushes in coffee now. I mean, I was already doing it before but at least from now on it won’t be an accident anymore ;)
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