I was happy on my own, happy when I drowned;
But my crooked feet took me to a land far from my own…
The home which I found first chiselled away at my smile
Until there was only ashes of happiness left;
It stole all my colours, the bright ones and the darker ones,
All those beautiful flowers that took so long for me to grow inside my confused mind.
One would have thought that the light would have gone,
With no more petals to rest on, no more river to run along,
But it persisted, stubborn as it is;
It hung on tighter than my gritting teeth.
The residues of light turned into ghost flowers
That I carried along with me on my endless journey;
I drifted away second by second, day by day,
And eventually, as I lost the sight of me,
I returned to my roaming instincts.
But you found me when I ran
From the place that set me free from a cage
Only to turn into another cage.
You didn’t know you were running
While I thought I was — but I wasn’t moving,
I was merely sinking into place…
When we ran away —
And maybe even before we did —
All the words started shedding
The poisonous meanings
They had undertook during those months
Everything started making sense and not making sense,
Harmony and peace returned along with the chaos
And brick by brick, I was rebuilt.
Every breath I took,
Even the ones I skipped,
Brought to my lips the word
I thought I’d never speak
And I can now confidently write it,
Sing it and paint it in every tense.
I was h*ppy,
I am h*ppy
And I will always be.
For there is a light inside my eyes
That burns bright even in the dark
And when you come around the candles rejoice
For no wind can blow them and no tears can drown them out
And they burn fiercely and wholeheartedly
I have no fear cos with you near they’ll never burn out
And even if you’re far,
I have proven time and time again
That I can rise up from my own ashes like a wildfire
And I will never burn out.
I am not sure what this is. I wanted to write a poem, but these words couldn’t be contained, so instead it’s become… this.